Cyber Sex: To Boldy Cum

Can you guess which orgasm was my favourite?

Cybersex. The newest generation of safe sex in the 90's. We meet, greet, email and chat with hundreds of people we have never met and may never get to meet. If we're lucky, and have the urge, we even get lucky. No guilt, no commitment, no condom, and no messy wet spot to fight over! All this in the comfort of your own computer. And you can cyber anywhere, depending on how into the sex you tend to get. So how do you do this, you ask? Well, get whatever toys and tools you feel necessary, cigarettes, if you need them after and let's go see.

Cybersex is basically a typed conversation between two or more consenting individuals over the Internet or one's local BBS chatroom whose purpose is to get the other person as aroused as possible given they have as active an imagination as the person typing to them. The topics one selects are entirely up to the consent of all parties involved. You can be as kinky or as vanilla as you wish. You may find that the anonymity of the net allows you to be more adventurous than you might be in real time. Of course, if this is the case, you may also find that you will become more in tune with your cyber persona the longer you play at those fantasies you "would never try in real life". You may even find you enjoy it more... the real-life changes, that is. Cybersex is not a replacement for the real thing, and hopefully one doesn't wish to make it so. It is a supplement, complementary to your actual sex life, and as such can greatly enhance your sexual life with your partner(s).

So, let's say you're brand new to the idea of cybersex and you want to get online and go all the way just like that guy at work who was bragging the other day about the wild and kinky session he had with some woman who lives clear across the country in Florida. Let's say too, that you already have a number for a site or two that furnish such conveniences for their clients. Before you fire up the computer, engage the modem, logon to the net, and go traipsing into someone's cyber bedroom you need a name. Silly as it sounds, names do give us power. We become our names. Either in thought or deed, sometimes simply by the image the name conjures up in the mind of the other person. My online persona is Tiger Eyes, a name that was originally meant to describe my hazel green eyes with their yellow traces... Online though, I am a little animalistic in that I enjoy growling deeply into someone's <insert body part and/or orifice> and making them shiver all over. So pick a name that appeals to you for some reason or another. Pick something creative and new though. "Stud" and variations thereof are overdone. The name you choose should be the sex appeal you would try to exude in real life. If you went out to the bars and clubs, you'd dress the part of trying to get someone's attention. on the net, that's your name. Be original. Have fun. The name you choose might also describe the things you are into. A friend of mine once went by "Rouge_Leader" and had transvestite interests. Remember the name you choose becomes you. If you don't like who you're becoming, or you find yourself becoming more interested in something a little more "interesting", you can always change it.

So, now you have a name. Let's call it a handle, it's leftover CB talk for the same thing, a name. Now, let's go to that chatroom your buddy at work told you about. Chatrooms operate in much the same way as a lounge or your favorite pick-up joint. Courtesy to everyone, no means no, and have fun. There'll be time enough to get serious later. So how do you get that other person's "eye"? Well, your name, for starters. That's why you chose it. But say you're the type who likes to make the first move. It's not impossible to "buy" someone a virtual drink (any actions you take should be based on the implied ambiance of the chatroom found usually through its name or the behavior of those around you. If it helps, look around a bit, see what's happening before you jump in.) but, sometimes a cliché is just that. So be original. Have fun! Nothing will turn someone off faster than "Hey, let's fuck!" Subtlety and play; those are the keywords. So, ask them to dance, buy 'em a drink, whatever seems appropriate to break the ice with that person in that "room". Maturity is also key. I should mention here that age is a definite factor of all this play. Save yourself lots of trouble if you're under 18. Don't go there. More hassle than we want to worry about in this article.

All right, you got his/her attention and they are willing to play with you. Play is important, too. If this becomes a serious thing, you'll know, but don't start that way. Remember have fun. You're probably thinking, "This is cybersex. I can have sex on the first date, no prob". Well, you're right. You can. But the other person matters here as much as in the real world. Just because you want to, doesn't mean they will. Let's say they do though. What can you do? Everything, anything. Take your cues from the other person. What do they like? What don't they like? You can discuss it, if you like, that's up to you. Me, I like to set parameters at the beginning just in case my fantasies don't match the other persons. As Koi says, "No animals, no kids...the rest is negotiable" Decide what you will and won't do. Sometimes, even within the bounds of what you will do, there are thing s you *aren't* prepared for. Decide too, if you need a safe word. This is a word or phrase that you use to signal the other person that you want or need to stop because it's getting to be too much. Keep it simple and plain to understand.

How do you know what to do? It's sex, remember? Tab A, Slot B...variations on a theme. All those things you would normally do in a real situation are valid. The only difference is you are describing to the other person what you are doing, or what you want them to do. Again, fun, and be original. This doesn't mean now is the time to write out that fantasy you've always had involving the eggbeater in the kitchen. Invention and sensation. A friend of mine is an intense sensation junkie, she says. So, I take her at her word and feed that addiction by picking phrases and actions that make her "feel" all the things I'm doing. Some people even enjoy taking the cybersex into real time. This means that whatever is typed to you on the screen should be occurring to you for real as well. This is more prevalent with some BDSM'ers but not solely. You may find you want to get personally involved what you are cybering about... if so, a towel might become a good thing to keep on hand...As with everything else, "talk about it". The main difference between cyber and real sex is the computer in the middle, an extra toy that isn't usually in bed with you.

Another thing you may wish to try that I really enjoy is cyber mail. Cyber mail is just what it sounds like. Cybersex through email. If you've ever written hot and steamy love letters to the one you love telling them about all the sexy things you're going to do to them, you already know what cyber mail is. You can be as descriptive as you wish. You can build entire scenarios by yourself and then mail them. Maybe, you want to have an ongoing dialogue of sex back and forth through shorter emails. The choice is yours. I've done both and I have no preference. I really enjoy the buildup and the attendant excitement from waiting to see what will happen next. Trust me when I say checking my email makes me very hard some days! :)

Group cyber, does it happen? For the sake of argument, let's say yes. All the same things apply, but with more people involved. What's the next step? That depends on you and your playmate(s). Some like the one-time "wham-bam-slam-mam" thing. Others go back to the same person over and over again, or whole groups over and over. Whatever you choose, wherever you go, have fun, play nice <or bad, if that's your thing> and leave the baggage outside, it'll only get in the way.